Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy
September 26, 2008
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You need to be able to stand back a little, hold your tongue and wait your turn to speak.
Recently, Sam my seventeen year old son, said "No way" to our requests to wear some decent clothes to an upcoming on-stage event. Sam was chosen to read a piece of his written work on stage in front of 200 people in a plush venue the coming Friday night.
Our suggestions to wear a decent set of threads as opposed to the thread-bare, bum hanging out of his pants attire that was his norm was met with defiance. His is jutting jaw and arms folded he said determinedly, "No way, I am dressing for me not for you! I want to feel comfortable on stage, and I won’t feel comfortable dressed like a dork."
My experience dealing with him lead to me to believe that meeting him head-on was like waving a red rag to a bull, and he would have only stood his ground and not shifted on principle. I wanted him to feel comfortable with his clothing but also that he needed to dress according to the dictates of the situation. We wanted him to be himself, just a souped-up version of himself for that night.
Childrens Friendships Made Easy
September 26, 2008
Most research into children’s friendships shows that those children who are able to form friendships when they start school are happier at school and also learn better.
More significantly, a positive beginning to friendships has long-term implications for social and indirectly academic success.
Developing and maintaining friendships is a dynamic process. Most children experience some type of rejection from their peers throughout childhood. One study found that even popular children were rejected about one quarter of the time when they approached children in school.
Most children recover from such rejection. They move on and form constructive, worthwhile relationships but some children need help.
The results of number of studies indicate that children can be taught friendships skills. The strategies are simple and revolve around teaching children a range of friendly behaviours such as: talking with others while playing, showing an interest in others, smiling, offering help and encouragement when needed, a willingness to share and learning how to enter a game or social situation. It is also useful to teach some children alternatives to fighting and arguing when there is disagreement and conflict within groups.
Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right
September 25, 2008
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child is to encourage them to develop a range of interest outside the academic sphere that not only rounds them out but stops them from being isolated from their peers Gifted children are a diverse group of kids who are talented in specific areas such as mathematics, language, sport or music. Some gifted kids are mutli-talented excelling in a variety of areas.
Gifted children tend to be passionate and single-minded about their interests focusing their energy on the topics that absorb them, often to the exclusion of other activities.
Just as all children need to have a balanced diet to remain in good health they need a balance between work and play to make sure they develop good social networks and maintain emotional health. That means that parents need to guide these children towards leisure-time options that they wouldn’t normally consider.
Work from strengths
Discipline
September 22, 2008
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes most parents feel uncomfortable. Some of those old disciplinary phrases such as ’spare the rod and spoil the child’, ‘teach them a lesson’ or ’set children straight’ are enough to send shivers up the spine of any reasonable-minded parent.
Discipline for the majority of the twentieth century was adult-centred and relied heavily on punishment as a way of keeping children on the right track. Discipline was based on the principle of severity and terms such as punishment, obedience and compliance were commonly used.
Corporal punishment was used in schools and smacking and variations of that theme were the general tools of trade used at home. Rewards and positive reinforcement for good behaviour were usually kept for the behaving children rather than used as a mechanism to encourage better behaviour in more difficult children.
The last few decades have seen some dramatic shifts in discipline that reflect very much the social changes that have occurred. In countries such as the United States, United Kingdom and Australia discipline has swung between a very child-centred approach where it seems parents forgot that they were the adults in the parent-child relationship through to the use of parent-focused techniques that place control firmly in the hands of parents. The use of praise and a reliance on reward systems to promote appropriate behaviour are the hallmarks of these child-centred approaches.
Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood
September 21, 2008
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you wanted to return to the carefree days of childhood when your biggest worry was how you could con your parents into staying up a little longer at night. Have you ever thought that you would like to be a child once more when the biggest decision for the day was choosing which topping put on your ice cream?
While this worry-free existence maybe idealised, there is little doubt that most parents want to capture this carefree, happy feeling for their children.
But many children feel the same stress that adults feel. In a culture that values success they can easily be pressured to grow up to quickly. It appears that the pressure for children to perform is perhaps strongest in the United States.
American author Dr. Gail Gross writes, "Many parents seek to create “super kids,” pressuring their children into becoming premature adults and making them overly competitive. Ironically, in their eagerness to create an academic prodigy, overzealous parents often create an underachiever."
My feeling is that many parents in Australia are unwittingly going down the American parental track of raising kids to develop academically at a quicker rate ? i.e. to be smarter and more competent but at a younger age.
Bedtime and Sleep Habits
September 20, 2008
Bedtime and children’s sleep habits can cause nightmares - for parents, that is! Often at the end of a long day all you want is a little peace and time for yourself. After all, you have probably devoted the entire to the service of children in some form.
Whether it is putting bread on the table or being gainfully employed in an unpaid position as housekeeper and cook, you deserve a break.
Come on, kids, be reasonable!
But children do not always see bed-time from a parent’s perspective. They often dispute calls for bed and complain loudly that it is too early.
None of the other kids at school go to bed at 8 o’clock, Mum. "It’s not fair." is the sort of line that is used in thousands of homes each night.
Others procrastinate with toilet-time, last minute drinks and detailed arrangements of teddies so that bed-time stretches by half an hour before parents realise what is happening.
Some parents are plagued by jack-in-the-boxes who reappear as soon as the bedroom light is turned off while others have night-callers who keep parents busy with comments such as: "I can’t get to sleep."
Are Parents Trying Too Hard?
September 18, 2008
One of the implications of the current trend toward smaller families is that we now have a generation of parents who are willing to go to enormous lengths to give their children a good start in life.
In the rush to ensure that children have a maximum amount of experiences many parents ferry children from one lesson to another after school and on weekends. This busyness of life takes its toll on children and on families as homes are required to run like clockwork and meals are thrown down between lessons. "To hell with shared mealtime I have to pick up little Jessica from tennis lessons and drop her off at ballet classes" is the mantra of many modern parents.
The self-improvement industry for children is currently thriving, with a staggering variety of programs on offer to children from as young as three. Ballet classes, music lessons, and toddler gymnastics ? the lessons go on. Don’t worry if your children become stressed attending all these lessons. There are stress management classes available to help them relax and unwind. We pay quite a price for keeping our kids busy for the sake of getting a winning edge!
Clean Kid Syndrome - Does Your Child Suffer from it?
September 16, 2008
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat because they’re not playing outdoors, engaging in constructive, creative play.
A nationwide Newspoll survey revealed that the average kid is spending at most, just 10 percent of their free time playing outdoors at home. Alarmingly one in 20 parents (5%) admits when their kids are at home they NEVER play outdoors. Instead the majority of Australian kids are spending far more time indoors, watching television, playing computer games or playing with toys.
Years of research shows that constructive play is an essential part of fostering inquisitive and strong minds. Playing outdoors is therefore key to normal development and lack of exposure to this kind of experience may put some children at a disadvantage.
Getting messy is how they learn, explore and express their creativity. It also helps them to stay healthy by encouraging them to exercise and by bolstering their immune system. Importantly it is through play that children learn to explore
The Newspoll study has revealed that the ‘clean kid’ syndrome is widespread. Two in five kids (40%) are permitted by their parents to get dirty no more than two or three times per week.
10 Secrets To Know You?re A Good Working Parent To Your Kids!
September 16, 2008
How are parents to know they are doing the right thing for their children when they are working parents? Many parents feel guilty for the amount of time they are spending at work versus the amount of time they spend with their children. If you are questioning yourself, trust that you do need to take a closer look at what you are doing.
We all want to feel and know we are loved. Children are no exception. I believe that when we parents let our children know they are safe, secure, valued and loved, then they have the most precious thing we can give them.
As a working parent, here are ten ways to help you to know whether you are spending enough time with your children. If you don’t recognize many of these or don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re in trouble!
1. You work to feed your family, not your ego.
2. Your own self-development has led you to be willing to devote your time to the development of your children.
3. You know that lots of money will never replace lots of love.
4. Lots of "stuff" doesn’t ever replace lots of attention.
What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood
September 15, 2008
Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus. At 37, America’s Pretty Woman couldn’t be happier in her new role of motherhood.
The twins were delivered at a hospital in Southern California. Since the twin’s birth Julia has done voice-over work for the remake of E.B. White’s "Charlotte’s Web". She is also set to work on a film for children called "Ant Bully".
Roberts has often told reporters that she’d like nine children. She claimed that pregnancy was a breeze and she certainly hasn’t lost her trademark smile. Julia seems to enjoy all of life’s experiences. Motherhood simply brought highlights.
Roberts says she only has one complaint: huge breasts. Julia told a reporter for the ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’: "It’s no laughing matter. This is the only dress brave enough to hold in my breast line." However, Julia has kept a striking figure, which she gives the credit to Pilates.
What is motherhood? Is it rocking your baby to sleep at night? Is it helping them tie their shoes? Is it introducing them to a new world? What happens when we go from womanhood to motherhood? Mothers are often encouraged to make time for themselves. However, mothers are among the few who know what happens when you make time for others. It is certainly a role that Julia Roberts plans on holding 365 days a year.
