Do Best Friends Make the Best College Roommates?
October 31, 2009
Do best friends make the best college roommates? Not always! It’s amazing how the quirky things you used to like about your best friend can begin to drive you crazy when you’re around it 24/7. Just because you’ve been friends since grade school doesn’t mean you should live together.
In fact, rooming together can ruin a friendship if the two of you don’t discuss a few things ahead of time. Living together is way different than hanging out a lot. It’s a mistake to assume that everything will be fine just because you have a history. Here are some things you and your best friend should talk about before you commit to being roomies.
Expect things to change. College is about growing and making new friends. Only hanging out with your best friend can hold both of you back. All it takes is one, "You didn’t used to be that way," to feel trapped. Are you okay with your best friend spending less time with you and more time with new friends? Talk about how you’d deal with this and if you expect to be included or not.
Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents
October 31, 2009
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment, withdrawal, and isolation. These children begin to develop an intense anger directed towards an adult society that they feel has hurt them and does not understand them. Parents need to to learn how to build relationships with these children and this can be accomplished through a process of emotional coaching, of allowing the child to express their feelings without judgment while providing clear guidance, limits, and expectations. It is often inconsistency and lack of clear guidance from parents that further the struggles for these children who then begin to seek guidance from misinformed peers. These children need love, affection, and a non-judgmental atmosphere. If love does not come from a meaningful and sustainable adult relationship then it will take on a new and contorted character where the concept of ‘love’ cmes from trying to be accepted by peers (even if they be negative ones) as the child will know that they will find a source of non-judgment and will be ‘liked’ even if it causes their eventual self-destruction. Affection that is not provided by adults who should be responsible, is then replaced by irresponsible sexual activity where the teen not only seeks for pleasure in a world that often provides only hurt, but feels once again that through sex, they can find a sense of acceptance and supposed emotional connection.
Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)
October 30, 2009
I WAS AMAZED
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and his son had entered the men’s room. While I was washing my hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they were swords in a battle for … who knows what?
And all about going to the bathroom quickly!
It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his one-man army to do his bidding.
It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of the young person.
The “bad boy” had won the day — and the bad boy was not the son.
It was the son’s insensitive dad.
I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY
This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their children.
I was sad. And I was angry.
The “interesting” thing was that when I related this observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were on a recent trip to a theme park.
The Old and the New
October 29, 2009
During one “generation gap” quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, “I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving. Don’t try and stop me!” With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.” “Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “If you wait a minute, I’ll go with you.”
This is a joke doing its rounds on how the new generation gap has taken shape!
The friction between the young and old exists for ages. The joint family concept had the elders putting the flame off now and then. The younger generation of those days had to meekly submit to the advice of the elders and worked themselves up to success. But of late the nuclear family consists of the parents and maximum two children these days ? the office goers, career oriented fathers and mothers have rarely little time to spend with their children. The children are forced to make independent decisions right or wrong.
Poker Parenting: 4 Ways Poker Skills Produce Parenting Thrills
October 28, 2009
Even as a busy parent, I’m sure you’ve seen a poker show on TV or at least heard your friends or relatives talking about it. You might even be someone who’s caught up in the poker craze of the past two years, riding the wave of a steep learning curve. As an avid poker player and father of two, I realize more each day how my poker skills help me raise my kids. Want to know how? Here are four ways to turn your poker skills into parenting thrills:
Play the Hand You’re Dealt No Limit Texas Hold Em is exciting to play because any hand can win. And that’s what separates a professional from an amateur — the ability to win pots with bad hands.
The same is true for fatherhood. The "hand we’re dealt" is the family environment we grew up in. Let’s face it ?- none of us grew up in an ideal environment, just as none of us gets dealt a pair of aces every hand. But the beauty of No Limit Texas Hold Em -? and fatherhood -? is that any hand can win; it all depends on how you play it.
School Shootings Aren’t Caused By The Type Of Student That The Media Tells You About
October 27, 2009
School Shootings Aren’t Caused By The Type Of Student That The Media Tells You About
by: Ruth Wells
Teachers, principals and counselors: As most of you are aware, some of the recent school shootings were apparently committed by students who were not known for their acting- out behaviors, but instead for their relatively quiet withdrawal and depression. We have gotten quite a few calls asking for explanations. Youth professionals are often more accustomed to preventing and addressing violence from acting-out youth, and may feel less prepared to prevent or address violence from other types of youth.
Here are some of the questions we have been receiving at our office and in our workshop:
Question: Why are some depressed, withdrawn kids becoming suddenly violent?
Answer: Perhaps some of these kids are like pressure cookers that build up so much steam that they literally explode. Many professionals are used to seeing serious youth depression that includes withdrawal, lethargy, reduced verbiage, reduced activity levels, self-harm and/or threats of self-harm, and comments reflecting hopelessness and despair. But, some depressed youngsters may explode out of that “acting-in” into serious acting-out.
Barbie Dolls - Where Did They Come From?
October 26, 2009
Barbie Dolls - Where Did They Come From?
by: Barbara White
Dear Santa, Please can I have a Barbie doll for Christmas?
Barbie dolls have probably been on Christmas wish lists for several generations of girls. In fact Barbie has become a household name for many years. Who created the first concept of the Barbie doll?
The story started with the birth of Ruth Mosko in Denver Colarado in 1916. Ruth married Elliot Handler in 1938. Elliot Handler and his business partner Harold ‘Matt” Matson formed the company Mattel. The name was created by a combination of their names ‘Matt-Ell”. Mattel originally manufactured picture frames, but after making dolls furniture from scraps decided to focus on toy manufacturing for which Mattel is now famous.
Ruth Handler noticed that her young daughter Barbara was more interested in playing with adult dolls, than the baby dolls that were available at that time. While traveling in Europe she saw a German doll called ‘Lilli’ which she bought for her daughter. The original ‘Lilli’ doll was not a children’s toy, but a joke style gift for men.
Potty Training Resistance - Is Your Child Resisting Your Potty Training Efforts?
October 26, 2009
Potty Training Resistance
From your perspective, your child is resisting all your efforts to be potty trained. You have tried it all and are feeling frustrated because you cannot understand why your precious child does not want to co-operate with you!!
Think about the issue from your child’s perspective.
The first thing I want you to think about is how you feel about your parents. Do you want your parents to be proud of your achievements? Do you have a desire to please your parents? Even as an adult, our desire to please our parents is very strong. So, try and imagine how strong this desire is when you are a toddler.
So, know and be reassured, that most typical children have a strong desire to please their parents and if have communicated to them your desire to have them go in the potty instead of the diapers, they do indeed want to do that, but for cannot fulfill your desires. Not only is this frustrating for you, but it is also frustrating for the child who really does want to please his/her parents.
So approach this from your child’s perspective and hopefully you can figure out what the issues are.
Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes
October 25, 2009
One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their
children’s lives.
Let’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say," I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!" Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes, it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.
Kids usually try to do their best; but they’re doing their best considering the resources they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best they can. It’s quite easy for us to unfairly judge them according to their best efforts in the past.
When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ?or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them.
Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers
October 24, 2009
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques out there. Many of them are widely used and treated as the gospel. But if you want to be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won’t always make you the most popular Dad, but they’ll always be effective:
Rule #1 Expect a Great Deal From Your Kids
If your kids know that you expect a lot from them, they’ll rise to the occasion. Everything from saying please and thank-you, to efforts in school or on the athletic field. If expectations are made clear in a loving atmosphere, your kids will know you think a lot of them. And when they know this, they’ll respond.
Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be Part of the Problem
When you’re convinced that someone in your family is causing the problems and you’re blaming them for it, you better realize that this problem won’t get better until you accept that you’re making it worse by blaming. It may feel good to blame, but it never improves anything. Only love and acceptance will make a positive difference.
